Divorce: Wife Puts Husband On 6 Months Probation

A Customary Court sitting in Ikole-Ekiti on Monday adjourned hearing in a divorce case to March 28, 2018, after a house wife, Mrs Adenike Ogunsakin, prayed it to place her husband, Olamide Olabode on a  six-month probation that he would be of good behaviour to her.

Adenike had filed for the divorce of her nine-year old marriage to Olamide over an alleged constant physical abuse by her husband.

At the last adjourned date, the President of the Court, Mrs Yemisi Ojo, who sued for amicable resolution of the matter, ordered the embattled couple to seek family members’ intervention in the settlement of the squabbles.

But at the resumed hearing on Monday, the petitioner told the court that some  family members had intervened with the husband’s promise to a turn a new leaf.

She, however, urged the court to place her husband on six months’ probation before she could file for withdrawal of the case.

Adenike told the court that the period would allow her do a proper-behavioural-change assessment of Olamide as he had promised both families.

“I want to inform the court that as directed by it that we should allow family members to intervene on the last adjourned date, our families had settled the matter for us.

”At the resolution meeting of both parties, my husband promised to change for good and has started towing that line of good behaviour.

“But I want the court to give me six months to place him on probation, if he will truly change, because we have had such amicable settlements in the time past only for my husband to renege on his promises,” she told the court.

Olamide, who was in court, confirmed Adenike’s report of their amicable settlement of the matter.

The three-man panel expressed happiness that the couple heeded its advice of amicable resolution rather than dissolution of their marriage.

The court, thereafter, adjourned the case to March 19, 2018, for report of the outcome of the probation being sought by the wife.

 
 
 

Two Female Pastors Marries In US

Two lesbian pastors have solidified their union in church. Pastor Twanna Gause, dressed in an off-white wedding gown and veil, stepped out of a limousine amid the whir of cameras outside the New Vision Full Gospel Baptist Church in East Orange, N.J.

Her partner, Pastor Vanessa Brown, who stood waiting at the altar in a cream-colored long coat

They were led by Bishops Levi Richards and Eugene Gathers, both of the Fellowship of Affirming Ministries.

“She’s our spiritual daughter,” Bishop Richards said.

Both men walked Ms. Gause down the aisle, a role she had initially hoped would be accepted by her father, the Rev. Sam Gause Sr., a Pentecostal minister who lives in Atlanta.

But Mr. Gause, citing “differences in theological beliefs,” refused his daughter’s invitation.

“My father would not come here because he does not believe in same-sex marriage,” Ms. Gause said. “He told me the devil tricked me into this, and that if we had been married in biblical times, we would have been stoned to death.”

When contacted by the New York Times, he said“ Twanna very well knows I’m not for that kind of lifestyle,” he said by phone in a calm and stern tone several days after the wedding.

“I believe that God wanted us to procreate through a natural process, and by no means am I happy about this because it is unnatural,” he said. “I look at homosexuality as a mental disorder. If I start to tell you that I am an elephant, and start to behave as an elephant, that’s my choice, I choose to become an elephant. But you would probably choose to call a mental institution.”

Mr. Gause, long affiliated with the Center of Hope Church of God in Christ in Riverdale, Ga., said he had no immediate plans to contact his daughter.He was also disappointed her mother,his ex-wife attended the wedding

“I will talk to her at some point, I suppose, if she calls me, but I will not initiate the call,” he said. “I do have some words for her that she needs to hear. I’m not going to condemn her or judge her because I don’t have that authority, but judgment has already been established by God.”

When asked about Mr. Gause’s absence at the wedding reception, an elegant affair at il Tulipano in Cedar Grove, N.J., Bishop Richards said simply: “God has a way of honoring us when others won’t.”

Mary Ellen Brown, did not mince words when talking about her ex-husband’s refusal to attend.

“He has no right to judge them,” she said. “I tried to get him to come here tonight but it was a losing battle. He asked me why I would even bother showing up, and I said to him, ‘All you need to remember is that Twanna is my daughter, and I love her, and I have her back no matter what she does, and that’s why I’ll be there.’”

On how their love story began,they met as choir girls about three decades ago in New Jersey.

“I was like, ‘Oh wow, what in the world, who’s that, she’s beautiful,’” recalled Ms. Gause, who was then a 16-year-old living in Paterson, N.J. “I immediately felt this kind of strange, warm feeling wash over me, and though I had not yet spoken a word to her, I could see myself loving this woman forever. My head was just spinning.”

Ms. Brown, then 18 and living in New York, was not struck by the same thunderbolt.

“I was oblivious as to how Twanna was feeling,” Ms. Brown said. “I looked at her as this adorable, skinny little girl who I initially thought was so much younger than me, and I had no idea that she liked me in any way other than as a friend.”

They kept in touch, and Ms. Gause moved back to Paterson in 1994, and became engaged to a man there, breaking it off in less than a year and returning to Atlanta, where she toured with a gospel choir and worked as a cosmetologist.

They began official dating in 2006 .

Communication In Relationship By Yemisi Akinmameji

In every human relationship, communication is very important. It could either make or mar such relationship whether it be mere friendship or romantic relationship.

Where there is no adequate communication between the parties involved in a relationship, either party tends to make a lot of assumptions which may be right or wrong.

Making assumptions rather than talk things out may not be the right options. Sometimes, it leads to distrust and love lost when it is not quickly handled.

Where there are two people who claim to be friends, it would be awkward for one to be too secretive while the other keeps every single information to him/herself.

Accepted that no two people are the same, it is possible for some to want to give an excuse for not communicating well. Those people might be categorised as conservatives.

There is no harm in being a conservative but such a person must be able to convince their friends that they are not just playing on their intelligence. Quick to pick from someone while all information about you remain secret.

If this persists, there is the possibility of the other person feeling cheated. As time goes on, they too might decide to adopt your strategy and activate their silent mode. Before you know it, there would be communication break down and that could pose a threat to or even bring and end to such friendships.

Much as communication in friendship should be mutual, the reason some people decide to listen more rather than speak is explainable.

Like I already said, no two people are exactly the same and of course, our level of information retention differs. If your friend is such that would make sure that the whole world gain access to the outcome of your conversation, then you might want to tow the conservative path.

If they get angry because of the realisation that you only give out edited information, well, you might allow them to walk away if it gets to that.

If that happens, you might not have so much loses knowing full well that the talkative has been done away with. However, it is not safe to just wish people away because of their shortcomings.

Permit me to render a transliteration of the maxim: “a bad child has his own day”. If you keep wishing friends away because of the way they talk or don’t talk, you might later realise that you’re all by yourself sooner or later.

So, what to do is to take your time to understand the kind of person your friend really is. That is where human management comes in. If he/she is an incurable talkative and you think you can conveniently do without her, then fine.

If, however, he/she is very dear, then it also behoves on you to talk about the friendship. Things both of you like and don’t like. That is where communication comes in. Once you agree on the modules, then your friendship could always get better and stronger.

No matter the situation, communication in friendship should not be one sided. It brings about a feeling of insecurity and dishonesty.

Beyond friendship, the same rules apply to love affairs- dating or courtship. Breakdown of communication could spell doom for such a relationship and also, persons in a relationship who feel cheated or holds the belief that their partners are withholding too much of information from them could walk away.

In a marital relationship, like the other forms of relationship, communication is also very important. However, it is more technical under this circumstance.

Technical in the sense that while it is somewhat easy to call it quit in a friendship or courtship, that would not be a very wise decision to make in a marriage.

You don’t just go to court and file for divorce simply because your spouse and you are not on good talking terms. You could be mocked for taking such decisions.

It is important that you make your marriage work and to achieve this, you two must talk to each other as regularly as possible.

There should be no such thing as conservatism in a marriage. Thank goodness for those years of dating and courtship. That should have provided the platform to understand your spouse a little bit.

If he/she is reserved, you should know what codes to press to activate the speaker in him/her. You just have to talk to each other. It strengthens the marriage.

Where there is breakdown of communication in the home, that could be a pointer to greater problems and by the time both of you keep making series of assumptions, distrust could set in. If this is allowed to degenerate further, it could break the home.

Before it gets to this almost irredeemable level, each partner must try, much as it would take, to find out why his/her partner has suddenly become a recluse.

A stitch in time saves nine, so the saying goes. Talk about it immediately. Let him/her tell you what’s responsible for the sudden change of attitude. Don’t be like one of my friends who would always make a case for a changed attitude. She is quick to conclude that ‘One cannot be happy everyday. So, if you decide not to talk to anyone, so be it. It is possibly one of your bad days’.

Bad days, yes. But as a husband or wife, you have to find out what’s responsible for the bad days. If they are not willing to talk about it immediately, don’t leave them to themselves and allow them go into depression. Seek opportunity to talk then out of the bad days as quickly as you can. That is why it is marriage not mere friendship. You are very responsible and liable to your husband as a wife. Ditto for the man.

Again, communication in a marital relationship is technical because you have to be careful not to hurt the feelings of your spouse. Well, this is also necessary in other forms of relationships.

In a marriage, the wife should be as respectful as possible when interacting with her husband. Similarly, the man must respect himself so well while relating with his wife. He is not your maid but wife.

Your wife wants to respect you, Mr Man. But if the best way you think you can reciprocate that is by treating her like shit, well I am sorry. You might just have successfully lost your self respect.

In summary, communication is very necessary to make our relationships thrive and we must also know that as individuals (friends, lovers and couple), we all have self esteem which should not be hurt by our partners.

Bury The Past By Tope Orogun

A lot is going wrong in today’s relationships. Ask me why? Well, when you will not put your past behind you for good and charge toward the light which is the present, it will continue to haunt you.

The general saying is ‘my past is my past, it doesn’t have anything to do with my present and there is no need to discuss it with my boo’, yes, you are right but only if you let it be. Many atimes coming round with it helps a lot especially for those attached in a way with their ex. By attached, I mean if whatever happens then has a negative effect on your present relationship then the best approach is to talk about it with your boo.

Yes, it maybe hard to open up on stuffs like this but its needed for your healing unless you are one of those who cling to the past and always wish your present boo is like your ex.

A friend of mine, Jonathan Adu wrote something on his wall that triggered an epiphany. He did posit that “ex are so powerful that they can scatter your life within a second.” I align with his position because it is true. Until you totally bury the emotion, attachment and whatever you have for them, they will always rule and ruin your present.

You are just longing for nothing. Its a mirage and all you will grab is just the air. If they come back it will be to taunt and haunt you. Don’t do it. Don’t fall so low. Don’t let them ruin the happiness you’ve found. Its not worth it. What broke your heart the first time is around the corner to, but again. Be watchful and don’t be tempted.

Aptly, Jonathan surmised that “an ex can destroy what you build for years. An ex can make your life miserable and curse the day you were born. An ex can make you lose what you cherish most in your life.

I always get annoyed anytime an engaged woman or a married woman tells me that her ex is disturbing her and she didn’t know what to do and she cant also tell her man because it is unheard of. Some will even say they can handle it until there is no remedy for the havoc caused.

Wait, let me start from the unheard of. What is unheard of if you tell your husband/wife or fiance/ fiancée that your ex is still disturbing you and want you to leave your him/her for them or have sexual relationship with them? Is it a new thing that people always have ex before getting married or which stupid man is expecting himself to be the first man his wife will date in her life? Am not saying it is not possible, it is very very, possible but if you meet such person, it’s either she is too ugly, no man is living where she was before, still very young like 12 or 15yrs old, has a problem in her life, too selective or has no manner at all. Anyway, that’s not what I want to talk about this morning.

Back to our discussion, every man expects his wife to have an ex, so if you tell him, it is a stale news. So saying, telling your man that your ex is still disturbing you will scatter your home is a stupid saying. Telling him will save you from a lot of problems, it will even make him trust and appreciate you more but hiding such from him will cause an havoc in your marriage. He will think not telling him is you saying indirectly that you can accept your ex proposal of leaving him and go back to your ex.

Let’s even look at it from this angle again. Yoruba people will say “afeni niyawo o le foju re woni”. Your ex will never wish your husband well and he may kill him if he has the chance. So hiding such from your husband will give your ex power because he will be thinking that since you didn’t tell your husband, you can still consider him and he will be plotting evil against your husband. Telling your husband about the situation will make him know all the necessary steps to take to solve the problem.

If you did not carry your husband along in the case and he later finds out and your ex eventually put everything on your head, you may be a goner for life in that marriage and believe me, that your ex wont accept you that time cos he will think you see him as an option when everything has scatter and you have no alternative.

If you are in that shoe right now or maybe find yourself in such later, don’t be stupid, saying it is not appropriate for your husband to know, in fact he is the first person that must know about it so as to save your marriage. Let him even know the guy/man so as to be very careful if they cross path.

Keeping such secret from your husband will do no good to your marriage but rather harm it except you’re also interested in having a secret affair with him.

A lot of exs have scattered happy homes all in the name of I want her back, please don’t be a victim.”

Can Man Forgive A Cheating Spouse? By Maria Famakinwa |

The culture of the land favours men in all ramifications mostly in marriage where women are expected to show loyalty to their husbands irrespective of whatever they are going through in the union. The general perception about marriage is that a man can have more than one wife while a woman cannot have more than a husband as any woman caught in such an act will either face severe punishment or lose her marriage.

In respect of this, it is expected of married women to remain faithful and committed to their husbands and marriages even if their husbands are not faithful to their marital vows. The Hope asked some married men and women if men should forgive an adulterous wife. Why some said that it is possible to forgive such a woman, others opined that the best option is to allow the unfaithful wife to go for peace to reign.

A public servant, Mr Joseph Olanrewaju, in his opinion said that the first thing to do is for the man to find out what actually led the wife into adultery after which he should forgive her because as a Christian, it is good to forgive. “There is no sin that one cannot forgive if God himself can forgive us our wrong doings.

 “Forgiven an adulterous wife will make the woman to worship her husband as tin god because the woman will never forget such a favour in a country where many belief it is a taboo to keep such a woman. The home will experience its initial eluded peace as the wife in the middle of the storm will be forced to calm down and avoid doing what will make her husband remember her mistake.”

 In the submission of a civil servant, who simply wanted to be addressed as Mrs Abiodun explained that a man should forgive his adulterous wife because men are not saints. She revealed that most women who cheat in their matrimonial homes do so because they are left with no alternative.

Her words, “Most men are jobless today and cannot meet their home needs, this force some women into adultery in order to take care of their children. No woman can stand watching her children hungry, so, they must provide through any means. We also have homes where men married many wives and it is not possible for all the wives to be satisfied sexually by a man since our orgies differ, women who feel not satisfied in this regard can seek for alternative elsewhere.

“Men also commit the same atrocity yet, their wives forgive them. There are some women whose husbands had been infected with sexually transmitted diseases and no noise was heard about it but if the reversal was the case, all hell would have let loosed if a woman can forgive adulterous husband, nothing is wrong for a man to forgive an adulterous wife “.

Speaking contrary, another public servant, Mr Taiwo Ojuse, who maintained that the Bible though preaches forgiveness does not support adultery in any guise even as he advised that it is better to divorce an adulterous wife if the man cannot cope to save the man from untimely death as a result of hypertension.

“It is not easy for any man who caught his wife in the act of adultery to forgive or forget such a shameful incident because the memory will keep coming and this can make the man to die untimely.

After going to seek for a woman’s hand in marriage with one family and paying the necessary bride price, the same woman was now caught in bed with another man, to be honest to oneself, no man can forgive such a woman because the man’s pride is already wounded and anytime he sees the woman, he cannot be happy so the best option is for her to go, for the man to have his peace.”

A teacher, Mrs Adunni Adeolu, in her contribution advised women who are not satisfied in their marriages to quit such a union rather than committing adultery.

She added that many marriages had broken due to this and some women had lost their lives due to adultery.

“The best option for any woman who is not satisfy with her husband is to divorce the man and start another life she prefer instead of having illicit affair while still under a man.

No man will want to forgive a woman caught in the act of adultery. No excuse can justify a married woman sleeping around with other men. The law of the land itself is against such a barbaric act. Men whose wives are caught in this act felt betrayed and regard the woman as a killer.”

Nigerian Lesbian Granted Asylum In UK

A Nigerian lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender rights (LGBT) campaigner was granted asylum in Britain after a 13-year legal battle to prove her sexual orientation, a drawn-out process that rights groups called a "miscarriage of justice".

Aderonke Apata, 50, who was given asylum last Thursday, had been trying to remain in Britain for more than a decade, but her case was refused several times after a judge ruled she was pretending to be a lesbian.

"I'm extremely overwhelmed with joy and gladness to know that now I'm safe and can live freely as a human being," Apata said in a statement on her Facebook page.

"As you rejoice with me for being safe, kindly remember that there are many people still in the same position that I was in for over 13 years," said Apata, who founded African LGBT charity African Rainbow Family.

African countries have some of the most prohibitive laws against homosexuality in the world - same-sex relationships are a crime across much of the continent and can lead to imprisonment or the death penalty.

Apata ran away from her husband after she was pressured to marry which led to a Sharia court sentencing her to death for adultery and witchcraft. She then fled to London, where she claimed asylum for the first time in 2004.

Rights groups celebrated the decision to grant Apata asylum but said more needed to be done to protect LGBT asylum seekers.

"Our dear friend Aderonke Apata has finally been granted refugee status after years of fighting for justice," said UK campaign group Right To Remain. "She is a true inspiration."

Paul Dillane, executive director of LGBT rights group Kaleidoscope Trust and a witness in Apata's case, said her decade-long legal battle was an "egregious miscarriage of justice".

"Seeking asylum is not a crime and LGBT people fleeing persecution must be protected under the law. In my years of working with refugees, Aderonke's case stands out as an egregious miscarriage of justice," Dillane said in a statement to the Thomson Reuters Foundation.

The Home Office said it "remains committed to improving the asylum process for those claiming asylum on the basis of their sexual orientation and gender identity."

Apata said the practice of assessing Africans' sexual orientation claims based on Western standards was problematic.

"They expect an LGBT person to have used sex toys, to go to gay clubs," Apata told the Thomson Reuters Foundation in May.

She has worked with several gay rights groups across Britain and is helping other LGBT Africans who are going through the same process.

Things A Couple Must Do Everyday

Mornings can feel frantic with everyone trying to get out of bed and out the door on schedule.

But making time ― even just a few minutes! ― to connect with your partner before the chaos of the day sets in can make a big difference in your relationship. Here’s what the happiest couples do daily, according to Huffpost readers and marriage experts.

1. They make eye contact.

“We brush our teeth together. For those few minutes we look into each other’s eyes. We touch each other, a hand on the waist, hand on the cheek, head on the chest.” ― reader Brandi W.

2. They cuddle.
“My husband leaves for work before I can even imagine getting up and being a fully functional human being. So every morning after he’s gotten ready, he climbs back in bed and pulls me in close. And that five minutes, being close to one another, breath by breath, it’s the best way to start our day.” ― Meg Conley, marriage blogger

3. They try to get up around the same time when they can.
“Too many couples have two completely different morning routines and often barely see or speak to each other in the morning. I know of many partners who don’t even get up before their significant other is out of the house for the day ― and it’s not because he leaves at 4 a.m. or because she worked a swing shift. They just sleep late. As a couple, they don’t make it important to connect at the beginning of the day.” ― Dr. Kurt Smith, therapist who specializes in counseling for men

4. They enjoy a cup of coffee or tea together.
“My wife and I have breakfast together sitting on the front porch, side by side on the love seat. Even if it’s just for 15 minutes, we have our coffee and talk about plans for the day and watch the birds.” ― reader Steve T.

5. They kiss goodbye.
“It so important to us that we always show affection before one of us leaves. Usually he leaves for work an hour before I wake up so he always says goodbye with a kiss on my head. It’s not about me needing the affection but more so knowing he is thinking of me before he heads to work.” ― reader Rebecca C.

6. They put down their devices.
“Even if we only have five to 10 minutes before one or the other of us has to rush out the door or get on the phone, we sit down to have tea. No phones or iPads allowed. No claiming we don’t have time. Maybe we talk about something coming up in our day or something in the news. Maybe we just sit quietly. With life being as crazy busy as it is, it’s a way to slow down and connect before we launch into the day.” ― Winifred M. Reilly, marriage and family therapist

7. They divvy up the morning chores.
“Getting the kids up, ready and off to school every morning can be a real chore. Nothing says that this has to be the mom’s job, but frequently it is ― or at least the majority of it. Couples who are happier share these kinds of family and parental responsibilities. Working as a team in the morning builds connection and relationship happiness that carries through the day.” ― Dr. Kurt Smith

8. They smile, no matter how tired they are.
“Mornings can be hectic for most people but it’s important to be able to at least smile at your partner. Even when trying to get ready and out the door, many happy couples find it natural to give a quick smile when interacting with their partner.” ― Dr. Marie Land, psychologist

Prince Harry And Meghan Markle Arrive In Africa For A Safari

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle arrived in Africa on Friday for a romantic safari amid rumours the royal is ready to get down on one knee.

The smitten prince, 32, draped an arm around the Suits actress as they were pictured touching down at the airport on her 36th birthday.

Meghan, who was in London last week before briefly flying back to Toronto to film the legal drama, was sporting a huge grin and was holding onto a bubble wrapped gift under one arm while holding a straw hat and a red fedora in her hand.

The love-struck royal, dressed in a blue and white plaid shirt and jeans and followed closely by a royal protection officer, also appeared just as thrilled to be there.

A friend of Meghan told the The Sun : “She is super excited about their holiday together and to see Africa though Harry’s eyes. Of course, she’s visited the continent before through her charity work, but this is her first ever safari."

While speaking about proposal rumours, a source close to Meghan told the Daily Mirror: “Everyone is expecting an engagement to happen very soon. Every time she comes back from England there’s this urge to be like, ‘So, did it happen?’. But I realise that’s ridiculous and unfair to put that kind of pressure on a couple.

“From conversations Meghan has about Harry, you can tell it’s incredibly serious and the things her and Harry talk about now are very much future-focused – her work plans, his work plans, travelling, where they’ll live...

“I know it seems a lot to be talking about after a year but when you know, you know. They knew they loved each other very early on.”

Fifth in line to the throne, 32-year-old Harry would have to ask the Queen’s permission before marrying. An engagement would be kept secret until staff have made preparations for a major announcement.

The day itself would be a big departure from anything Meghan has experienced before. She was married to film producer Trevor Engelson between 2011 and 2013. The wedding service had been an informal affair in Jamaica, before a party on the beach.

While Prince Harry may have the reputation as the playful prince, the wedding of such an important royal would be a formal and public affair, probably in one of the most prominent abbeys or cathedrals.

Harry was best man when Prince William got married and it is likely Wills would be asked to return the favour.

Guests would include a mixture of foreign royalty and diplomats as well as Meghan’s family and close friends including her stylist Jessica Mulroney, Baywatch actress Priyanka Chopra, singer Sophie Ellis-Bextor and tennis star Serena Williams.

Once married, it is expected they would live in Harry’s cottage at Kensington Palace before taking a bigger apartment in the grounds – just as William and Kate have.

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